Visions of Potential Aftermaths
by Narzoth
Summary: Small bits of fiction created during a large, multi-thread Evangelion exploration project. This set of linked viginettes explore the question, "What might a post-Third Impact and return life be like for Asuka and Shinji, in a world where only they share the harsh experiences of being long term Evangelion pilots?"
1. Introduction

**Visions of Potential Aftermaths**

**A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fanfiction **

**By Narzoth**

**Introduction**

The following fiction is really a series of small snippets, which I have termed "sessions" because "chapters" does not seem to fit as well. It originally grew not as a planned prose story, but rather as posts to a massive, multi-thread project exploring the Evangelion series and movies over on over the course of 2011-2012, with explorations of various fanfictions still going on slowly at the time of this writing.

The moderation policies and mindset of that board have shifted over time, however, and I am no longer comfortable leaving creative works of which I am proud there. So I have collected and moved these writings here in order to maintain control over them but still have them on display. I am torn between warning the reader away from and recommending some incredible analysis threads on the topic of my favorite anime. Ergo, I will compromise by not linking to the board or threads, but informing the curious that a bit of clever searching will reveal Shadowjack's excellent threads and my own contributions as the poster Psychopomp therein. This comes with the warning that the moderation at that site has become a bit totalitarian, stretching their posted rules to fit rather arbitrary personal judgments in the name of providing their curious idea of an "inclusive, safe environment."

With that said, please enjoy the following short explorations into the theme of, "How would Asuka and Shinji adapt in a post-Third Impact world, having only one other person who could understand their shared experiences as Eva pilots?"

My thanks still go out to Shadowjack and my fellow posters in those threads. I miss what we once had.


	2. Session 1

**Visions of Potential Aftermaths**

**A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fanfiction**

**By Narzoth**

**Session 1**

_a few years after Third Impact and The Return_

*ding-dong*  
*ding-dong*  
*ding-dong* *ding-dong* *DING-DONG*  
"AWRIGH' 'M COMING!"  
*click* *creeeak*  
"Asuka?"  
"No shit. You gonna let me in, or what?"  
"Yeah." *thump* *click* "What are you-"  
"I...I dreamed about the Fifteenth."  
"Oh."  
"Sheisse, I shouldn't have- I woke you up, I'll go and let you-"  
"No, it's okay. I'm glad. I was...mine was about the Twelfth."  
"I'm gonna stay here tonight."  
"Uh...okay..."  
"ON THE COUCH! Pervert."  
"...right, of course. I'll go get a pillow and a blanket. You can have the bed. I'll take the couch."  
"I'm not sleeping in your bed."  
"It's okay, I don't mind."  
"You only change your sheets what, once a month? No thanks, baka."  
"Once a week! And I can change them now, I'm going into the linen closet anyway!"  
"I AM NOT STEALING YOUR BED!"  
"Dammit, Asuka, did you come all the way across Tokyo-3 at three in the morning just to argue with me?"

"..."  
"_YES_!"


	3. Session 2

**Visions of Potential Aftermaths**

**A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fanfiction**

**By Narzoth**

**Session 2**

_the next day_

_The argument ended like they all do - Asuka won._

She got the couch, Shinji got her settled in, then went back to bed.

For some reason, it was easier to sleep. Just having her in his apartment made the dreams go aw- well...they got quieter, and that was something.

Then, like always, just as he was falling back asleep, she slid into the bed next to him, telling him to move over and not get any funny ideas.

This time, it was the window over the couch. Too cold and drafty.

Japan hadn't had a cold draft in twenty years, but he was smart enough not to mention that.

Late the next morning, they got up and took their turns in Shinji's tiny shower, then walked together to the campus. She peeled off to head into the Meta-Biology building. She was taking grad classes, of course, while he was playing catch-up with the undergrad foundations. Seems he had a knack for it (ran in the family, maybe?) that drove Asuka nuts. Once again, the Invincible Shinji sailed through what she had to work so hard to attain...

...then she went back to tutoring him while he was studying his ass off for a test or something.

Everyone assumed they were a couple, still. They had two years at the start of college before that impression had set in, but they were too close to keep it away forever. They didn't even bother fighting it anymore. It was convenient. Neither of them were really ready for anything like that yet...still.

It's not like they were virgins, or anything. There was that time late in high school when they...when Asuka was...anyway, it's not that it was bad. (Well, it wasn't that great, either...they had no idea what they were doing. But it was good.) It was just kind of weird. Like that first kiss, but without the nose holding.

Anyway, they didn't talk much about that. It was an unspoken agreement. Off-limits, even in the worst arguments. We don't bring up it up until we're ready to really talk about it, and we're not...or something like that. It was the past. And probably the future. Maybe. Once it felt like something to look forward to, and not a quiet, accepted doom.

They tried other people, of course...but it was always a disaster. Asuka never lasted past the second date. Ever.

There was that one girl when Shinji was still a freshman. He did like her, but she had started getting...pushy...about the more-than-kissing stuff. Like Asuka, he just wasn't...ready for that?...into that kinda stuff? Whatever. She'd spent the night, trying to get him to try something. But then he'd woken up from a dream, screaming. She freaked out, and then tried to get him to tell her what was wrong. He couldn't explain it. Finally, scared and frustrated, she left.

He'd called Asuka. She came over. All he had to say was, "I dreamed about the Seventeenth," and she sat up all night at the table with him, holding his right hand until he couldn't feel Kawrou oozing through its fingers anymore.

It was the old table, actually. A gift from Misato when he'd moved out to go to college. Asuka got the living room table. Misato refurnished when she got her nicer senior officer's quarters.

Shinji trudged up the stairs into the not-Metaphysical-but-normal Biology building. He was going to finish this degree, then follow Asuka into the grad program for Meta. Once he had his Ph.D., he'd follow Asuka into the jobs waiting for both of them in the UN Human Recovery Program. (There was talk of renaming the program HERZ. Misato was fighting that. Shinji and Asuka approved of her efforts.)

The Evangelions were gone, but the UN's (the world's?) gratitude to the pilots for allowing humanity an opt out of Instrumentality was not. (Shinji shared the credit with Asuka by never correcting that impression. She was mad at first, but then he explained he wasn't trying to 'give' her anything out of pity, he just didn't want to bear the burden alone. Him being weak, she understood.)

Their reward was the assurance of having a future. Whenever they couldn't find one on their own, there would always be a UN job, or a UN grant, or a place anywhere under Misato's command. They would always have a secure future.

And they knew it would always include each other.


	4. Session 3

**Visions of Potential Aftermaths**

**A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fanfiction**

**By Narzoth**

**Session 3**

_a few years later_

_The first thing Asuka noticed on awakening was the headache._

The second thing was her pants, draped over Shinji's desk chair.

"Hey, baka?"

_No answer, so she jabbed the warm mass pressed up against her back with a sharp elbow (the left one. Her right arm was still pretty sore in the mornings.)_

"Ow! Oh, god, nevermind...my head! That's the 'Ow'!"

"Yeah, I know. Did we do it again?"

"Do wh- oh. No. I think we're still both in underwear, and I'm pretty sure we were actually too drunk last night."

_Strange how that surge of fear whenever she had to ask herself (or Shinji) that question had started to turn into disappointment when the answer was 'No.' It used to be relief, once. She didn't remember when that changed, and it bothered her._

It was more than just that time in high school, now. Somewhere around Shinji's junior year of undergrad, sometimes after parties...she'd stopped counting at five. She'd stopped wanting to know, for some reason.

"Hmmm. Good job, Sherlock. Now, if you could unwrap your arms from my boobs, I need to stagger into the head."

"Sorry."

"Bullshit. It's an awesome rack, and you know you love any chance you get to touch it."

"I'm too hungover for this, Asuka. We'll just skip to you being right, as usual."

"Damn straight!"

************

_Asuka didn't bother with any modesty as she crossed the bedroom in her tanktop and panties. Shinji's head exploded with pain whenever he moved it, so he didn't look away. She looked back and glared at him. Once, he would have blushed and stammered and hastily shifted his gaze._

Now, though, he just smirked sheepishly, yawned, closed his eyes, and snuggled back into the covers.

He missed Asuka's self-satisfied smile.

*************

_Doctors Ikari and Soryu woke up for real sometime shortly after noon. While Asuka showered and then dressed (using the back-up clothes she kept in 'her' drawer in Shinji's desser,) Shinji whipped up something to eat, supplemented with party leftovers._

Then, they started cleaning up the devastation of Shinji's doctorate celebration.

"I don't understand why we're bothering with this! Now that you can come work at the Recovery Project, you can afford a bigger place! Just move out of this rat-hole and let the landlord deal with it!"

"C'mon, Asuka, that wouldn't be fair to Mrs. Ichidori. She's a nice old lady, and I'm going to leave this place in as good shape as I can. Besides, I'd like my deposit back."

"Pfffft. That chump change? You're a doctor of Metaphysical Biology in the employ of the UN, now! That's big money!"

"Yeah, yeah. But I'm just starting out as assistant to the Technical Chair of Project Red Moon...I'm no Programming Lead for the new MAGI series."

"Whatever, baka. Anyway, did you look at those listings I gave you?"

"Yeah, I was meaning to ask you about that. Everything you circled were houses in the suburbs. I was thinking I would get an apartment like yours...maybe in your block, even..."

"You idiot, that's no good! There's no way one of those apartments would be big enough for both of us!"

"Yeah, I guess s- wait, what?"

_He looked up from where he'd been filling a trash bag with the leavings of Toji and Misato's popcorn-throwing fight, stunned. She shrugged and kept wiping down the living room surfaces._

"I wake up in your tiny college apartment more often than not. My place is nice, big, and comfortable...but I can't sleep without y- alone. I can't sleep alone in that place. You know that."

_He resumed picked up the litter. They studiously avoided looking directly at each other._

"That's reasonable, I guess. But y'know, you didn't have to stay here all the time. I could have come over."

"I didn't want you to get the wrong idea!"

"..."

"Goddammit, FINE. I didn't want you to get _too much_ of the _right_ idea."

"That doesn't make a lot of sense, Asuka."

"Neither does your face, Shinji. Do you want to argue, or do you want to talk about where we're going to live?"

"Okay, okay. But you know, if we're officially living together in a real house and everything, won't people talk?"

"Who gives a shit, Shinji? We're Eva pilots! The best humanity has to offer! If a bunch of dull-eyed wage-slaves want to gossip, let them!"

"Hmmm..."

"Oh, don't make Gendo noises at me, Third Child! If it bothers you that much we can just get married!"

_The trash bag hit the floor, spilling popcorn and confetti (Misato's idea...probably because she knew she wouldn't be cleaning it up.)_

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, make me repeat it. Because it was so easy for me to say the first time."

"S-sorry..."

"So?"

"Why, Dr. Soryu...did you just propose to me?"

"Jesus Christ, not if you're going to say shit like 'Why, Dr. Soryu...' at me ever again."

_Shinji stood in the middle of the room, making a show of thinking. Asuka stomped over into smacking distance, but held her fire for the moment._

"You know, you are over here all the time..."

_Asuka caught the tone, and assumed the same thoughtful stance, easily matching her manner to his._

"...and we are both pilots..."

_They both smiled at each other, sharing the in-joke and finishing in synch..._

"...it would be _convenient_!"


	5. Session 4

**Visions of Potential Aftermaths**

**A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fanfiction**

**By Narzoth**

**Session 4**

_the day of The Return_

_The sea was blood red. What few buildings had remained in Tokyo-3 were now just...stumps. White monsters grinned at him from crosses out in a bay that wasn't there before. A blood red bay._

Shinji Ikari was numb, deep inside. A single human mind cannot hold the sum total of Humanity, and so the memories of Instrumentality were bleeding out of him at a rapid rate. They had been ever since he'd emerged. Soon, nothing would be left except snippets (a door, running to it, excited.) Brief flashes of other people's perspective. Other people's memories (feet, off the floor, swaying, and above the feet...) and only those of people closest to him (the kitchen, an argument, coffee spills, he falls into it.) Memories of things that only happened when two minds met (it's hot, it burns, harsh words, anger, soft skin, frightened eyes, his hands on a throat.) Realizations, explanations, truth without sense (Rei, his mother, Asuka, Lilith?) And self discovery. The will to live (Asuka, by his side, hurt, bandaged.) The will to return (the anger again, soft skin, numb eyes, the madness of being only one person again, his hands on a throat.) The will to be with others (a soft hand on his cheek, words of another, a flicker of...understanding? realization, horror, his hands removed, grief.)

Some of that was real. He was sure of it. Yes. The strangling Asuka on the beach part. Not the part in the kitchen...that was inside...inside...inside people. Not here. He could tell the difference again.

He could tell what was real!

**********

Shinji started, looking around the beach as if he'd just gotten there. He'd been sitting, alone, on the sand, staring out over the bay. There had been no clarity, nothing was real. But now, finally, like a computer taking a long time to boot up, his mind was clear. Everything here was real.

He looked next to himself. There was a depression in the sand next to him. Asuka was here...but where did she go? Oh, yes...she'd mumbled something about a bathroom. There were footprints leading off into the rubble.

He stood up. If she was still numbed by the trauma of Instrumentality followed by the return, she shouldn't be wandering off like that. He was worried for her. He was also scared of being alone.

***********

_The tracks were clear and easy to follow, if not very straight. They led to a small patch of wet sand behind the balcony of a high rise, fallen and half buried. Then, they continued further down the beach._

He found her about a quarter of a mile from where he'd been sitting. In the distance, she was stumbling...staggering, really, along the sand. He started jogging to catch up. When she suddenly stiffened then began to look around, he instinctively slowed.

She whipped around, eyes wide with accusation.

************

"Where were you, you worthless baka? I needed you! There were nine of them!"

"Asuka, I-"

"They tore me apart! They tore momma apart! Us! They ripped us to pieces and ATE us!"

"I know, I-"

"Where were you? I called for you! I needed you! WHERE WERE YOU?"

"My Eva was trapped! Balkelite! I wanted to come, Asuka! I WANTED! They had you on the radio! I had to listen! I heard everything, but I couldn't get there in time! I COULD ONLY LISTEN!"

_It was the wrong thing to say._

"Well, I'm sorry you were so put out, ASSHOLE!"

_The hurt in her eyes was worse than the punch in the solar plexus. That was the first thought he had when sound and thought came back to him. He'd stopped breathing for a good three seconds. She'd hit him that hard. It hurt like a son of a bitch, really._

But the pain was nothing like the look in her eyes

************

_The idiot hit the sand, completely winded, and Asuka ran. It hurt her ribs and arm and even her eye, so badly, but still she ran._

Finally, unable to move her legs anymore, she rolled behind another chunk of fallen building and curled up into a fetal ball. She'd admitted she'd needed him, had called for his help! She couldn't believe it! But she could. Breaking down, finding her mother inside the Eva, her own near death...she hoped it was 'near,' and Instrumentality. She changed. She was different.

She didn't need to stand alone to be strong. She could be strong with other people. Her mother had told her this, in there (a smile, pride, apology, realization that it hadn't really been her mother who'd...) It was okay to be with other people (a sideways glance, he was looking at Wondergirl, probably thinking about her with her top off the pervert, he turns, sees her looking, blushes, that soft smile.) But she'd also seen things (a young boy, grey hair, red eyes, an honest smile, "I love you") that weren't her memories (a clenched hand, a wet crunch, grey hair hits orange LCL.) Others felt pain, too (a tank full of Rei, a button, laughter, melting flesh) and others knew loss (an older Rei?, brown hair, a warm smile, a wave, an entry plug, a small hand waves back.)

She'd made a choice. A choice to live (I am not a doll!) a choice to return (a weight on her belly, dark blue eyes, confusion, hands on her throat,) and a choice to be with others (memory of pain she'd caused, "I feel sick," her hand, a soft cheek, air in her throat, his tears on her chest.)

Her face was wet. She was crying. That wasn't right. She wasn't supposed to cry. She never cried. But here she was, sobbing like a baby. She couldn't stop.

***********

_He groaned and sat up, hoping he wouldn't vomit. How could such a petite girl hit so hard? He'd never figured it out._

His grand decision to return to a 'real' life wasn't going so well. Not even a full day in, and Asuka already hated him...again. Not that he could blame her. He'd been useless, and it'd cost her her life...at least, he hoped she wasn't alive when the monsters had started eating her Eva.

He shouldn't have tried this. Nothing was different. It was the same world of shit and hurt. He would have been better off if he'd never re-

No.

_**No.**___

Nothing was different, so he had to be. He had to risk pain to live. He couldn't remember much about Instrumentality, but he remembered learning that. How he'd learned it was...fuzzy. But that didn't matter. He had to try. He had to make it work.

He wouldn't run away.

**********

_Shinji Ikari stood up, and despite the pain of the forming bruise, began to run down the beach._

**********

_When he found Asuka, she was crying. A glimmer of something that was almost gone (I'll never cry again!) surfaced, and he knew this was bad._

He sat down next to her, and she lifted her face from her knees to glare at him through still-flowing tears. His first impulse was to reach over to wipe them from her face.

Luckily, he wasn't all that impulsive.

"It was nothing like you went through, but listening WAS hard. I wanted to be there so bad. When you called me, and I couldn't come...it was worse than any Angel. Because I was letting my fellow pilot down. Because I was letting YOU down. I'm sorry. I wish I'd been up there instead of you. I would have been, if my wishing could have made it like that."

_Her face twisted in rage, though the tears kept going. She had to yell through hitching breath, but somehow she pulled it off._

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! Don't you DARE pity me!"

"I'm not pitying you! I never pitied you! I FAILED you! You needed me to be strong, and I was weak! I only ever wished I was as strong as you!"

_Oops. That last bit was another mistake. Asuka lept to her feet._

"I WASN'T STRONG! I WAS NEVER STRONG! It was all fake! All a sham! I know you all saw it! I know you were...you were...laughing..."

_She trailed off. It wasn't true. She didn't remember the minds of the others, but she remembered that they hadn't seen what she feared they did. But still, something about Shinji's confession was driving her crazy with rage. With grief. With shame._

Shinji stood as well, albiet more slowly.

"Asuka, I'm sor-"

"Shut up! SHUT UP! Shut your mouth, Third Child! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET AWAY FROM YOU?"

_He smiled. That soft smile._

"You can't. I'm not going to run away."

"Then I will!"

"I'll follow you. But if you're going to hit me again, you might want to try somewhere else. I'm ready for the-"

_In the cold instant after his nervous system registered the kick but before his testicles exploded with pure, mind-stopping agony, Shinji regretted those words._

***********

_She was curled up in the fetal position again. Crying._

He limped up next to her and sort of collapsed. It was easier to pull himself up from there than to sit down.

"It took you longer to catch up this time."

"I had to finish puking."

"I don't want you seeing me crying."

"Even I'm not that stupid. Asuka Langley Soryu doesn't cry."

"What?"

"Asuka Langley Soryu doesn't cry. So whatever you're doing, it must not be crying. Right?"

_She frowned angrily, wiping her face and sniffling._

"Stop that. I don't need you to do that, and I don't have to pretend I don't anymore."

_She didn't notice that the tears had suddenly stopped._

Shinji did.

"Okay. That's probably better for you."

"Yeah."

_They sat in silence, watching the sun set. One by one, the stars winked into view. Finally, Asuka broke the silence._

"Why is there a giant Wondergirl head over there? That's fucked up."

"Yeah, it is. Turns out Rei was a clone made out of my mom's DNA and Lilith. Lilith started the Third Impact. She turned into a giant naked Rei and handed me all humanity in a big, red ball."

"You have got to be shitting me."

"No, really. It was a big, red ball!"

"That's not...ugh. Rei's not coming back, is she?"

"No, I think she went back into Lilith. And Lilith...left? Into space? I think she took the Geofront, too. It was a big, black ball."

"This story isn't going to get any less fucked up, is it?"

"No. It's not."

"So...who's the smarmy-looking guy with the grey hair?"

"..."

***********

_There was an awkward moment of silence, and just as Asuka was about to give up and ask another question, Shinji took a shaky breath and began the story of the Seventeenth. By the time he was done, both Children were crying._

Asuka commiserated by telling Shinji the story of the Fifteenth, including the required back story. By the time she was done, it was late and cold.

They slept huddled together for warmth.

***********

_The sun came up slowly, and began to warm them. A shadow suddenly fell across Shinji, pulling him from sleep. Asuka was huddled with her back to his, so the shape of a person standing over him caused him to start, waking Asuka._

They quickly sat up, and with better perspective were able to recognize the newcomer.

Misato stood with dazed eyes that stared blankly at the object in her hand - the necklace Shinji had hung from a post out in the bay.

She looked up from the silver cross at the children. A sudden flare of recognition sparked behind her gaze, and she shivered. The Children watched, silent, expectant.

"Shinji? Asuka?"

_Misato's hand went to the bandages wrapped around her torso as she smiled warmly._

"I came back."

************

_Out in the bay, more figures were beginning to surface from the blood red water._


End file.
